Reality check. You’re not losing your college beer gut. That was fifteen years ago. You will never be a medium again. Round up all your medium clothes and donate them. There are real medium sized people who are in desperate need of clothes that fit.
Think about those clothes. Personify those clothes. Now imagine you’re a shirt and you’re hanging in your closet. You are so bored. You’ve been hanging in there for fifteen years just waiting for someone to wear you. PLEASE WEAR ME. But there are no mediums in your household. Not even your kids, who went from small to large in two days because of all the hormones and steroids in our milk and meat.
Now, don’t you feel sad for those clothes? I mean, you obviously do because you have a beer gut and you’re — Wait a minute! ARE YOU EATING A BURRITO RIGHT NOW?!
Donate your talking shirts to charity. Let those shirts flourish. If you love them, set them free.
One day, you’ll see someone wearing your shirt. And you’ll go up to that shirt and say, “Hey! It’s so nice to see you.” And the person will think you’re talking to them, and they’ll be confused until you just tell them you were talking to their shirt.