PITCH IT! WEEK 8: EXERCISE EQUIPMENT - Revolvist
Revolvist

PITCH IT! WEEK 8: EXERCISE EQUIPMENT

PITCH IT! WEEK 8: EXERCISE EQUIPMENT

I know your intentions are well meaning. Buy a stationary bike. Use stationary bike.

You know what? Let’s play a little game. When I was a kid and I told a lie to my mommy, she’d say, “Stick out your tongue. If it turns black, I’ll know you’re a liar and you’re going to get locked in the cellar.” She struck through that stuff in an edit and said that never happened because we lived in an apartment and didn’t have a cellar, which was concerning because that meant if she had owned a house she would have?

Enough with the repressed childhood memories. You say you’re using your stationary bike. I believe you. But let’s rephrase and ask if you’re using it for its intended purpose. Still nodding? STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE.

Yup. Black. Just like I thought, you rotten scoundrel. It’s to the cellar for you. And no Snickers Ice Cream bars for dessert, either. Your stationary bike has become a closet-like-space, taking up room in your house long enough. Just revert back to your high school days and throw your clothes on the floor like a normal American.

In the mean time, sell your stationary bike to someone else who is convinced they’ll use it. Then forward them this article in six months. Ahh, the cycle continues …

Kenneth Suna
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Kenneth Suna

Kenneth Suna is the founder of Revolvist. He lives and works in Washington, DC.
Kenneth Suna
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